Fiction Friday- challenge 22/1/10
And there it stood. The gate hung from the wall, the garden littered with rubbish. The windows boarded up, the rooms bare. It smelt of urine and looked unloved, naked and bruised. Red graffiti the only colour against the grey wals. The home she had known appeared to have vanished.
She remembered the paddling pool in the back garden and the heat from summer. She remembered ice-creams from the freezer, her brother soaking her with a water pistol and her Mum covering her with a towel. her family was gone but she wanted the house to be loved. She didn’t want it to be grey and bruised. She wanted it to be noisy. To smell of perfume, of bread and of cake baking. She wanted it to be littered with toys, not beer cans and to have the sunlight shine through the windows. At night she wanted someone to close out the world and put the house to bed. She wanted it to be a home to someone but now it was empty, grey and alone.
Posted by adampb on January 22, 2010 at 11:39 am
Abandonment of a home evokes such strong visual and sensual memories; actions and aromas tied to events and emotions. Good imagery.
Posted by roseyposey29 on January 22, 2010 at 11:47 am
Hello Adam. Thank you for your comments. Yep, I definitely need somebody to keep me in line and make me write every week! I must admit that I read the exercise guidance incorrectly- I thought it said write for 5 minutes- didn’t realise until I read other posts that it said ‘write for at least 5 minutes’- so I only wrote for 5!! Mind you, with a 5 month old baby in the house spending 5 mins on each exercise is probably all I have realistically!!! I will attempt to read your piece soon. I’m very impressed with what others have posted- also, everybody else has some very well set out blog sites- I know mines new but I think I need to jazz it up a bit!! Don’t have a clue how to do that though, but I’m sure I’ll learn!!
Posted by Annie on January 22, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Welcome Rosy! so delighted you could join us. This is a wonderfully warm group who support one anothers writing and can often kick you when you need it.( in the nicest possible way)
5 mins is better than 0 – so don’t beat yourself up. the idea is just to WRITE ( and hopefully keep going)
I liked the imagery you have portrayed in your peice, the memories which I am sure so many people can share. I especially liked your description of the grey and bruised house…. says so much.
visitors can see my entry at http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2010/01/absence.html
I hope to see you back next week.
Posted by roseyposey29 on January 22, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Hello Annie
Thank you! I have a feeling that blogging could get highly addictive for me! It’s amazing and reassuring to know that there’s so many other people out there giving writing a go- and I can’t believe all the work you can fit into a blog and that other people can see- amazing- I now have lots of ideas for writing and can read what others are working on too- fab, fab, fab!! Will definitely be here next week!!!
Posted by mia on January 22, 2010 at 3:52 pm
This piece evoked a nice lonely feeling. I Liked it.
Posted by ~willow~ on January 22, 2010 at 7:10 pm
I liked the pattern you had about ‘she wanted the house like this, not like that’ (“She wanted it to be littered with toys, not beer cans” “she wanted the house to be loved / She didn’t want it to be grey and bruised”): fyi, when i find myself composing a pattern like that, I try to come up with at least three ‘things’ to string together. Your sentence “… and to have the sunlight shine through the windows;” was begging me to be “… and to have the sunlight shine through clean whole windows, not through the dirty broken ones that gaped at her from afar”, for example. But that’s just me, so don’t feel like I’m telling you what to do, I’m just sharing what popped into my head as I read your piece. Well done, and I hope to see you around often
Posted by roseyposey29 on January 23, 2010 at 7:16 pm
Thank you Willow- I totally appreciate any constructive comments to improve my work so please don’t worry!! I hope to be on here often too- I love reading other people’s work- it’s so interesting to read where people take the same short prompt- it’s fab!!
Posted by mia on January 25, 2010 at 5:03 am
Hai, Rosey. Thanks for reading my piece. I’m new in this, too, so, yeah, I don’t even know how to post a reply on my own blog. Hahaha. So I thought I leave a reply here. Yeah, I don’t know what will become of the Millimen, too. But I think Lilia knows, because she’s there
. Maybe I’ll know in another story. But anyway, thanks for the curiosity, it encouraged me to develop more ideas. Keep writing!